A few nights ago, my son was under the weather. He wanted me to join him and his daddy to settle him down to sleep. Bringing in my little daughter to his room would have caused mayhem, so taking advantage of my baby girl being asleep, I went to comfort him. Except, he had no intention of letting me go. Laying next to him, I suddenly realised that my body was still next to him, but energetically I was next door tuning into every little noise in case my baby girl was crying. I realised that in that moment I did not serve anyone: I was torn, he probably picked up on my absence, and my daughter felt energetic tentacles palpating her space.
As soon as I caught myself, I could do something about it. I started breathing into my belly and breathing out of my naval creating an energy cocoon around myself which included my whole family. Deep breaths quickly soothed me and a few minutes later I slipped out of his bedroom to attend to my daughter.
Since that night, I started paying closer attention to when I split and feel out of alignment. I realised that I do it a lot. My attention goes out to what others might think, what I ‘should’ be doing/thinking/writing. My attention is split when I get distracted by social media in the middle of generating new material, or check my phone when spending time with my family. I recognise what a wasteful energy drainer this habit is.
Recognising the pattern, making those situations more conscious and gently steering away from the unhealthy habit are the steps towards changing this habit. It takes time, but when I remind myself that in those moments I am not serving anyone, including myself, the motivation to let go of this behaviour strengthens.
I have also realised that preventing an energy drain is only one side of the coin. I need to actively replenish it by being in nature and doing what I love. Taking photos of trees and flowers this spring seems to be the answer for now. Yesterday, I went out for a ten-minute walk and came back transformed, along with the photo in this post.