Since we have returned from a holiday two weeks ago, I’ve written four 12-page submissions to my writing mentor, offered three sessions to wonderful women, had two sessions myself, met up with several friends I haven’t seen for a long time, enjoyed massage, sang in a choir, attended three post-natal yoga classes, wrote seven blog posts (I am not counting this one), connected on the social media with my readers and other writers, cooked, the list goes on and on. Oh, and I exclusively breastfeed my baby girl and do my best to be with my son when he is not at nursery.
This really wanted to be written today. And I fought it with all my might! I’ve been feeling embarrassed to say how much I’ve crammed in into my days since 2 June. Yet, it really wanted to be acknowledged. So, all day today I was at war with myself.
‘People might think you are showing off. You’ll jinx yourself. Barry might say, oh, I now get why you never have time or energy for us to engage. What’s the bigger lesson here? Why should anyone care about your insanely busy schedule?’ My inner critic went on and on and on.
‘Please, show me what wants to be written through me today,’ I kept praying on my walk, desperately shoving aside my list.
Was it false modesty stopping me from writing it down? As the day unfolded, I realised it was… guilt. Doing all those things meant that I haven’t replied to several people I wanted to. I haven’t spoken to my family in Azerbaijan. I haven’t spent the quality time with my family here.
And yet I do not want to beat myself up. OK, I’ve expended most of the energy I’ve brought home from the holiday, but I love creating, being super productive and growing.
Then, the universe responded to my dilemma. As it does. Through a blog post. You might want to watch a video by gorgeous Marie Forleo on ‘slowing down’.
It helped me to relax and show up with what is. Here are a couple of lessons learnt along the way:
- If something wants to be spoken, just say it. Don’t fight it because it simply blocks your creativity.
- Sometimes, there doesn’t need to be a big shiny lesson in my blog post. Maybe someone needs to hear whatever is coming through to either inspire them or to reassess their own actions.
- Life-work balance is not an exact science. Beating myself up if I don’t do enough is no better than beating myself up for doing too much. Relax!