I’ve been feeling like that today. OK, maybe there are some external reasons why I am feeling a bit down: both my children have a cold (this may not seem to be a big deal, except my son is prone to having breathing difficulties and my daughter is only four months old) and I am still getting used to the results of dental work from last Friday, both physically and emotionally. Oh, and I haven’t been sleeping well…
On a good day, I use a variety of tools to raise my vibrations and get me out of a difficult space. On a day like today… it’s as if I don’t want to leave. I am having a bad day and nothing is going to stop me.
Except, one can’t harrumph forever.
For a while, I channelled my energy into cleaning the house. It had limited success. I harvested gooseberries from the garden, made a crumble, jam and froze some too. It did not help my mood.
My husband’s attempts at connecting just pushed me deeper into my shell.
‘I’m not connected to myself, how can I connect with you?’ I protested.
‘You connect from that disconnected place, giving it lots of compassion.’
Empty words. Although I know the truth of them, today they didn’t sink in.
Eventually, I got there on my own. Once again, I have learnt (the hard way) that the disconnect I felt did not cause pain. It’s neither good nor bad. It’s me resisting, pushing it away, making it bad what makes it unbearable. And it turns out that the part of me that resists the disconnect needs as much compassion as the disconnected part itself. Ah, the relief of re-connecting through the gentleness of compassion… Home at last.