Re-connecting through Compassion

IMG_4053What to do in the face of a shut-down, the one which hits hard, unannounced, without an obvious external trigger?

I’ve been feeling like that today. OK, maybe there are some external reasons why I am feeling a bit down: both my children have a cold (this may not seem to be a big deal, except my son is prone to having breathing difficulties and my daughter is only four months old) and I am still getting used to the results of dental work from last Friday, both physically and emotionally. Oh, and I haven’t been sleeping well…

On a good day, I use a variety of tools to raise my vibrations and get me out of a difficult space. On a day like today… it’s as if I don’t want to leave. I am having a bad day and nothing is going to stop me.

Except, one can’t harrumph forever.

For a while, I channelled my energy into cleaning the house. It had limited success. I harvested gooseberries from the garden, made a crumble, jam and froze some too. It did not help my mood.

My husband’s attempts at connecting just pushed me deeper into my shell.

‘I’m not connected to myself, how can I connect with you?’ I protested.

‘You connect from that disconnected place, giving it lots of compassion.’

Empty words. Although I know the truth of them, today they didn’t sink in.

Eventually, I got there on my own. Once again, I have learnt (the hard way) that the disconnect I felt did not cause pain. It’s neither good nor bad. It’s me resisting, pushing it away, making it bad what makes it unbearable. And it turns out that the part of me that resists the disconnect needs as much compassion as the disconnected part itself. Ah, the relief of re-connecting through the gentleness of compassion… Home at last.

6 thoughts on “Re-connecting through Compassion

  1. This is a lovely learning Gulara for me thank you. ‘Tis neither good nor bad, ’tis thinking makes it so: Shakespeare I think and probably not exactly correctly quoted. We sort of know things intellectually but we also know that the experience is what counts and being in it – I FB’d this and tweeted … thank you again!

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    • Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Susan, I am finding that writing down what I know intellectually bridges the gap between my head and heart. Many thanks for sharing my writing. I did the same – I feel everyone should read your wonderful writing!

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  2. ‘I’m not connected to myself, how can I connect with you?’ – That is so often the cause of much upset, isn’t it? And that’s a hard one to resolve. Been there. But true also is the fact that we sometimes just need to be in that disconnected place for a bit to reflect, regroup – whatever. Reminds me of words I have always found to be helpful – “It’s OK to let yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back.” I think it was Mick Jagger, actually. 😀 Thanks for sharing this.

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    • Great quote – love it Lisa! Yes, sometimes letting oneself go is the thing to do. Plus, to be compassionate in the process. I find myself in a vicious circle sometimes: I beat myself up for beating myself up 🙂 Not very productive place to be… Writing these little incidents down really makes the process more conscious for me, so the next time it happens, I have a better chance of remembering the learning. Many thanks for reading and commenting!

      Liked by 1 person

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