Drowning in bitterness, I reasoned I shouldn’t feel this way.
‘It was unreasonable to be so bitter,
There was no cause for disappointment.
I had to let it go, forget about it all.’
And more I said that to myself,
More unheard and unseen I felt,
By this person (who is clueless about my concerns)
But more importantly by my own self.
Then, my soul nudged me: ‘Feel it.’
‘What? What have I been doing so far then?’
‘Feel it. Acting it out does not make the feeling go.’
I sat down. I tapped. I gave myself compassion.
I repeated words that reminded me that
This disappointment was not personal.
Clarity came. The feeling was already here.
The feeling was painfully familiar.
I just found something to hang it on.
And the reason why I kept recreating the pain
Was to finally feel it.
This old well full of stagnant bitterness,
Caused by waiting
To be loved, to be heard, to be seen
I could be waiting for a long time…
Once again, bitterness nudged
‘Look at me! Look at me!
So that I can transform into light.’