Look at me, so that I can transform

IMG_4126This morning disappointment came as a tidal wave.

Drowning in bitterness, I reasoned I shouldn’t feel this way.

‘It was unreasonable to be so bitter,

There was no cause for disappointment.

I had to let it go, forget about it all.’

And more I said that to myself,

More unheard and unseen I felt,

By this person (who is clueless about my concerns)

But more importantly by my own self.

Then, my soul nudged me: ‘Feel it.’

‘What? What have I been doing so far then?’

‘Feel it. Acting it out does not make the feeling go.’

I sat down. I tapped. I gave myself compassion.

I repeated words that reminded me that

This disappointment was not personal.

Clarity came. The feeling was already here.

The feeling was painfully familiar.

I just found something to hang it on.

And the reason why I kept recreating the pain

Was to finally feel it.

This old well full of stagnant bitterness,

Caused by waiting

To be loved, to be heard, to be seen

I could be waiting for a long time…

Once again, bitterness nudged

‘Look at me! Look at me!

So that I can transform into light.’

8 thoughts on “Look at me, so that I can transform

  1. Thank you for sharing your pain Gulara! Thank you also for following my blog. I will follow yours too. I, too, believe that if one writes about his/her pain they will truly be free. Best wishes & Blessings!

    Like

    • Thank you so much for following my blog and your comment here. Writing my pain down has been transformative. Glad we share this approach. Look forward to reading more of your writing. Many blessings!

      Liked by 1 person

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