In the Mirror of You I See My Dream

IMG_4609The day before I left to Devon, I got a rejection letter from an agent. I thought, well, at least this one bothered to reply. He even gave me some feedback on how to improve on my work. The tone of the letter was generally positive, and this person said that he’d be happy to look at the second draft of my book once I make the necessary changes.

I felt devastated. Intellectually, I knew I was being unreasonable. I know this is how it works. I know this is not the first or the last rejection letter I get. I know my work is good enough to be out there one day. It just needs a bit more work.

I parked my disappointment aside. It had to wait until after our holiday. But it was brewing underneath of all my attempts to shut it out.

Maybe this is not for me. Why am I so obsessed with this whole book thing anyway? Come on, go back to your job when the maternity leave is over. It was a nice try. You gave it your best shot.

If you know me, you probably know I am not a quitter. So when I caught these silent thoughts in my head, my disappointment got stronger. Can’t even handle a rejection, I seethed as we drove to Devon. I am too tired and too overwhelmed to deal with this right now. Forget about it, I tried to convince myself.

We got to lovely Embercombe and on the very first day I met an acquaintance. Two years ago, we’ve attended a Mystery Experience retreat in Glastonbury. He sat at our table during lunch.

‘I’m writing a book,’ he said.

‘Really? Wow, tell me more?’

Twenty minutes later I found myself convincing him why he should not quit writing this book. His spiritual ordeal sounded fascinating. His fear of exposure was painfully familiar, but I kept encouraging him to pursue his dream nonetheless.

Then on the second day, I ran into a wonderful woman I greatly admire. I first met her in May at the family camp. She is a writer too and I follow her blog avidly. Sitting on a cosy sofa in a spacious room, we chatted about our writing projects while our children played together. She mentioned a story she’s been working on, but somehow haven’t finished yet.

‘Well, I offer 1:1 sessions with specific focus on the writer’s block. Would you like to have one with me?’ I said.

On day three… we had a creative writing workshop. Just to remind you, the Emberfeast was about jam and pickle-making. Creative writing workshop? Needless to say, I was there at 7pm and we had a fun hour free-writing and making up a group poem.

That evening, as I walked back to our yurt, I mentally grumbled:

‘All right, all right, I got the message. I am not quitting.’

21 thoughts on “In the Mirror of You I See My Dream

    • Ha-ha, Solveig, you are great. No silent treatment, promise! And I love-love-love comments which help me to change things. I’m going to take you up on this offer in a couple of weeks. I am visiting Azerbaijan in two weeks time, and I am hoping revisiting my hometown will help to fill in some gaps I’ve left by writing from my memory. And thank you for your support, Solveig. I truly appreciate it!

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      • Focus on all the breaking electronic equipment. Take a few deep breaths. I’m going to ask you a question. First word that comes is the best word, even if it does not make sense. Don’t think about it. Just let the answer come. Here is the question: ‘What is this the energy of?’ Feel free to e-mail me the word and we could take it a step further

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    • Wow, Louise, this rejection is bringing so many blessings. I’d love that! I need to revise it first. Hopefully, visiting Azerbaijan later this month will give me some fresh perspective on the story. Again, thank you so much for your kind suggestion! I’d absolutely love it. xx

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  1. And the message is to give no less support and encouragement to yourself than you give to others. I’m sure you’ll find inspiration to improve your manuscript. You have a publisher waiting for it. Wonderful! Go for it!

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  2. I really enjoyed this. Would you share this post tomorrow and hashtag it #LInkYourLife please tag me with the @ShareenM twitter handle. If you need to learn more about Link Your Life please check out the menu on my page and learn about what its about. I really want to share this but I have so many faces right now and I think you would enjoy this because tis not just a blog share.

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  3. Pingback: October 19 #LinkYourLife Roundup: The Post-op (un)Medicated Version | On The Verge

  4. Pingback: October 19 #LinkYourLife Roundup: The Post-op (un)Medicated Version | The Honeyed Quill

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