As I try to trace its origins

It keeps escaping me back

Through life

To my youth, childhood

Further and further

All the way to

My mum’s womb.



It’s like

A ‘Yes… But’


To Life.



Bitterly familiar

In every aspect of my life

Everything is great


There is always something

That’s not quite right.



And why now anyway

Why does it chase me

In abundant and green Embercombe?

Why can’t I escape its hungry hands?

Why does it try to throttle me

In the vast beaches of Saunton Sands?


Ah, but that’s because

I’ve slowed down enough

To hear its complaints

Taste its grief

And see the patterns


A red thread

Running across my life

Like badly made stitches

On a childhood rag.



Looking into its sad eyes

I realise

There’s nowhere to run anymore

There’s no food to push it down with

There are no distractions to hide behind

There’s no busy-ness to blame

For my resistance

To stop

And feel it

With every cell

With every breath

To allow it to come freely

And go when it’s ready.



It’s not here to stay

Its gifts are many

Its job is to remind me

To play, to laugh, to stay

Committed, focused and relaxed.

We are here to enjoy life

With its lows and highs.

14 thoughts on “Disappointment

  1. Hi I enjoyed this. I meant to reply as I saw your chicken pox post how are you? We have all had it here so if you all get it I could maybe help you out. this is just a quick connect in, to say thinking of you am in bed was asleep once! so hope all is well and kids and you and Barry are well, lots of love xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Charlotte, thanks for reaching out. It was lovely to see you today. I’d love to catch up at some point. Still hoping to go to Az on 17th September, so might be at the end of this month. Will keep you posted if our travel plans are delayed.xx


    • I know. Right now it feels it’ll never go away. I am aware that the feeling is here, and then I find something externally to hang it on… Look forward to having a session to clear it all out. It’s coming to the surface, so it must be ripe to go.

      Liked by 1 person

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