Welcome back to The Story Behind The Story series. Today’s post is Part 2 of Charlotte Kanyi’s story. You can find Part 1 here.
For someone who has spent so much of her life rushing around needlessly I can be pretty slow getting off the ground with the important stuff. Whenever I am hanging back a little too much life intervenes. Like a boulder landing unexpectedly in a river, altering its course irrevocably, the curveballs that life throws my way usually jump start me back into a new fresh flow. Such was the case with starting The BirthEssence Blog, something I would never have predicted in a million years.
“Write. You need to write.” The words fell out of the air deep into my being, about two metres into the centre of my belly.
Taken aback I frowned. “No way,” I thought to myself. “Every man and his dog writes a blog. What do I have to add?”
But the message was clear, direct and quietly insistent. This was certainly more than I had bargained for when I light heartedly embarked on a fifteen minute meditation with Archangel Gabriel for guidance around my business – BirthEssence.
Despite my resistance and reluctance to dare to air my words in public, I knew I was going to follow this advice. I couldn’t do otherwise. My body was buzzing, the air around me echoed with unspoken words dancing in excitement and I committed to this unexpected new path.
I wrote my first post on being ready, something I didn’t feel at all. In fact, I felt so unready I wrote my second post on the same subject! In writing honestly about the process I learnt that I was ready after all.
A curious thing happened though.
I started out with no clue as to my specific direction and purpose with the blog. Of course it was to be in line with the vision of my business to transform women’s experience of birth. But this wasn’t an idea I had come up with, planned and carried out with a goal in mind. It was a total surprise. I felt a little lost.
I plunged in regardless and started where I was with whatever ideas floated into my awareness in the moment. As I wrote I began to find insights that would otherwise have passed me by. I rediscovered wisdom I had forgotten. I found I was teaching and sharing the exact guidance that I needed to hear too. Who was writing for who here?
I didn’t know but I was encouraged by a favourable response, from family, friends, clients and even my business mentors whose writing and businesses I greatly respect. I began to enjoy myself, despite the torture I felt worrying if it would be good enough each time and the surprise and relief when someone liked my writing.
I feel that the blog now has a life of its own and I am the quill in service to the Divine ink that wants to be expressed. Simultaneously I am feeling my Soul breathe a sigh of satisfaction that I am at last heeding her hints to stand up and speak out. She is pleased with my bravery and laughing gently says “See it wasn’t so bad. The world needs your words to be spoken too. You and your words are equally deserving to be heard.”
That was just over two years ago and as I keep writing I am enjoying myself more and more. I feel proud of the posts I have published. They pull out deep wisdom from ordinary stories that help women see how they too can follow and achieve their dreams of the amazing birth and conscious start they desire for their babies. The greatest satisfaction for me comes with the humbling moments when someone gratefully shares that my written words have provided some insight that was greatly needed in the moment. The positive feedback deepens my resolve to make a difference to women entering their childbearing years. Each time I am propelled forwards out of my shyness and doubt and motivated to keep going.
And all those years I thought I was aimlessly wandering without direction or purpose, the times I doubted and felt secretly depressed? They turn out to be the essential tributaries feeding the main river that is leaping joyfully on its inevitable path to the vast ocean. They add surprising twists and eddies to the current and in so doing they enrich the song of my river and the message of BirthEssence and the melody can be heard dancing across the fields by those whose feet are ready to dance along.
Charlotte Kanyi is a mother of two lively boys and founder of BirthEssence where she works to support women who wish to transform their birth experience. She writes about her experience of birth, clearing past trauma and shares inspiring stories, information and practical tips for pregnancy birth and postnatal period over at http://www.birthessence.co.uk/pregnancy-birth-inspiration-blog/.