B is for Barry #atozchallenge

B.jpgDear Barry,

This is just a quick note to say ‘I love you!’

I know I say it sometimes, probably not enough though. Intellectually, I know you know that I love you.

From my heart, I want you to feel how much I love you. My feeling of love for you is here all the time, but in the busyness of life and child-care it doesn’t get its fullest expression. I do my best. I say the words. Sometimes, I give you a hug. I stroke your short hair and look into your eyes. For those few seconds, my heart blossoms.

Not long enough though.

I miss Fanny and Colin’s retreats we used to attend together. Sitting in Gidleigh watching the green hills of Dartmoor opened my heart like nothing else. Feeling safe and held in the circle of like-minded people allowed me to open my heart a notch wider. Taking long walks on Saunton Sands made me one with the ocean. On those occasions, I felt I was love. On those occasions, I felt you were love. The protective ice around my heart melted in the warmth of your eyes. I felt expanded and spacious and there was nothing else but love.

I struggle to recreate those feelings at home. There’s always something that needs to be done: washing, tidying, clutter-clearing, looking after the kids, cooking, blogging, my sessions.… It’s as if those things squeeze us out. Only occasionally, we touch that place where love resides. It’s beautiful. It’s so tantalizingly close. I can touch it. I can taste it. I know it.

But I need space to be it.

So, I wonder, dear husband, whether for our fifth wedding anniversary on 7 April we could take two spacious hours to sit in love. I don’t mind where, I don’t mind how. I just want to hold your hand and hear your heart beating, see your eyes shining, and let my heart sing its love song.

With love,

Gu xoxox

Thank you for reading. This post is a part of the April A to Z Blogging Challenge. My theme is ‘love letters’. And while you are here, let’s connect on Facebook and Twitter too.

 

53 thoughts on “B is for Barry #atozchallenge

    • Thank you, Emma, I’m so glad you can relate and it was a useful reminder. This year we are doing a date once a month and it’s been really helping. But we usually go off and do something, like see a show. And whilst it’s great, I yearn for quiet being… holidays don’t work that way anymore. We have two young kids and holidays can be hard work. Anyway thank you for connecting!

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  1. What a personal post Gulara!
    It is so true sometimes there are places and moments where love Canberra more vividly felt.
    Now I know why you try to have your dates on the 7th of every month. Our special date is the 21st but we cannot always find the time necessary to connect properly.

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    • Thank you, Solveig, yes, dates on the 7th are intentional 🙂 I hope you can make time and space for connecting on the 21st (or whenever childcare and other demands permit).

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    • Thank you, Gwynn. I appreciate your kind words. It’s truly wonderful to feel and to be an embodiment of love. It doesn’t happen every day, and it does need time and nurturing. We worked at our relationship before the kids arrived and it paid of. Right now there’s a lot of catching up to do. With much love, Gulara

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    • Thank you, Evelyne, your feedback makes me happy. It’s probably the hardest post to write, because his favourite post is F for Family that I wrote for him last year, so I felt under ‘pressure’. 🙂 can relax now and enjoy the rest of the challenge 😀

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  2. What a beautiful post, Gulara! So honest and heartfelt—I felt as if I was listening in on an intimate moment. Your writing is going from strength-to-strength—I think you’ve found that place all writers want to write from.

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  3. Wise woman who carves out space in a busy life. We bought our first sofa together in 1983. It’s threadbare, ingrained with dog and cat hairs and countless sticky food residues. But when we sit together it fits us like the glove and hand we started out together when we first met in 1977. And when we sit on it we are one again. As you say. Go find that moment Gulara.

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    • Thank you for sharing so generously, Geoff, I have a clear image of this sofa which is holding so much love. Precious. I’ll do my best about finding that moment this week. 🙂

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    • Thank you for reading and your kind words, Scarlett. I love the challenge for this very reason – I too discover blogs I may not have found otherwise. Have a great week ahead!

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  4. Wow! This is so recognizable for so many people in a relationship I think. We sit down every day for diner and talk to each other about our day. Often the most interesting conversations arise. Sometimes we sit down for just 15 minutes, but even does 15 minutes are so precious to me. I think it’s one of the main things we do, why we still happily married after 12 years 😉
    So congrats to your anniversary and keep finding time to spend with each other.And please keep writing, curious about the C, D, etc…
    Kind regards, Patty

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  5. Wow, Gulara, you really captured love and marriage. I feel as if I’m reading your private mail, and I shouldn’t it. Beautiful and touching. Happy Anniversary and wishing you many more.

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  6. This is beautiful, Gulara. Everyone needs space to just be. And there is always something that needs to be done when you have family and a home. All the best to you and your husband.

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  7. Gulara and Barry, congratulations on your wedding anniversary and I hope it is everything you hope it to be. Mind you, spontaneity on special days can be good to, Why is it that we seem to save our worst fights and arguments for special days? Perhaps, I should not have mentioned it but forewarned is forearmed.
    I can relate to every word you wrote!
    By the way, I had to smile. My daughter plays the Baritone Horn and it’s called “Barry”. Her friend meanwhile plays the clarinet…”Clarrie”. They’re only 10. So sweet.
    Take care & best wishes,
    Rowena

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    • Well, the celebration was very spontaneous in the end. Caspian got ill and was off nursery on our anniversary, so we had a day with him, and it was lovely, because usually there are four of us and it’s a different dynamic. Then a few days later, we decided to go out, but had to go to a different part of the city to pick up a toy Barry bought for Caspian. Just before we left, Barry checked the map and noticed a large park near the shop. We went for a walk and discovered a gorgeous park with a lake, woods and green fields. Afterwards, we drove through a little village and came across a charming vintage pub with the best food I had in a long time. So, we had an extra special celebration and all very spontaneous 🙂
      P.S. Baritone Horn – “Barry” sounds delightful! Perhaps, I should name my violin. Many healers name their instruments, actually, so it may not be a bad idea. 🙂

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