This is just a quick note to say ‘I love you!’
I know I say it sometimes, probably not enough though. Intellectually, I know you know that I love you.
From my heart, I want you to feel how much I love you. My feeling of love for you is here all the time, but in the busyness of life and child-care it doesn’t get its fullest expression. I do my best. I say the words. Sometimes, I give you a hug. I stroke your short hair and look into your eyes. For those few seconds, my heart blossoms.
Not long enough though.
I miss Fanny and Colin’s retreats we used to attend together. Sitting in Gidleigh watching the green hills of Dartmoor opened my heart like nothing else. Feeling safe and held in the circle of like-minded people allowed me to open my heart a notch wider. Taking long walks on Saunton Sands made me one with the ocean. On those occasions, I felt I was love. On those occasions, I felt you were love. The protective ice around my heart melted in the warmth of your eyes. I felt expanded and spacious and there was nothing else but love.
I struggle to recreate those feelings at home. There’s always something that needs to be done: washing, tidying, clutter-clearing, looking after the kids, cooking, blogging, my sessions.… It’s as if those things squeeze us out. Only occasionally, we touch that place where love resides. It’s beautiful. It’s so tantalizingly close. I can touch it. I can taste it. I know it.
But I need space to be it.
So, I wonder, dear husband, whether for our fifth wedding anniversary on 7 April we could take two spacious hours to sit in love. I don’t mind where, I don’t mind how. I just want to hold your hand and hear your heart beating, see your eyes shining, and let my heart sing its love song.