X is for Xalid #AtoZchallenge

XDear Xalid,

I know, I’m cheating. This is how we write your name in Azerbaijani. It’s spelled ‘Khalid’ in English. But I hope you can forgive me for using a bit of creativity here. I didn’t want to write a love letter to X-men or even ex-men.

Anyway, I digress. My little bro. You were a dream come true. Do you know how much I pined for a sibling as a child? I was so lonely.

Although I loved you, your arrival didn’t bring me the relief I longed for. You occupied most of mum’s time and you were not much of a playmate for a couple of years. I was 11 years older than you. Besides, you were a boy – ah, this obsession with boys in our culture. Even you saw me as a hero when my son was born. And even though you are a proud dad of two gorgeous girls, I know you think it’s not quite right that you haven’t fathered a boy yet.

You were a strange kid. For some reason, you were you more than anyone else in our family. Maybe because mum left you to your own devices… You are kind but not willing to please others. You are honest. Mum still considers it as a handicap. It’s quite hard to function in our culture if you an honest person. No wonder you want to run away from there. It’s hard though. With a family and two kids it’s not easy to get up and go.

I hope you know what an incredible gift you have. Your photography is phenomenal. I’m captivated by your fascination with old people. Every time I see your shots, I’m blown away. You capture the soul of those people. It’s incredible.

Anyway, I could write and write and write. You know that I love and admire you for who you are. I’m deeply grateful that when I disappeared, you always sought me out. And when I came back… You just open your arms and let me back into your heart. No questions asked. No resentment. No regrets. It’s as if I always lived in your heart.

I love you bro. Sorry that I hurt you inadvertently when I ran away from my own pain.

Gulush xx

Thank you for reading. This post is a part of the April A to Z Blogging Challenge. My theme is ‘love letters’. And while you are here, let’s connect on Facebook and Twitter too.

39 thoughts on “X is for Xalid #AtoZchallenge

  1. Another sweet and honest letter, Gulara. I would have loved a brother. But a big one. Eleven years apart is a lot to relate to a sibling. But the obvious love you have for your brother is very moving. He seems like a great person, too.
    I also totally see what you mean about the superior place of boys in some cultures. Even in France it was the same when I was a kid. I was fortunate that my dad wanted a daugher first (yeah, lucky me) and he was very happy to have fathered two girls. But my grandfather (he still liked me) opened a bottle of champagne when the first boy in the family ( a great grandson) was born. Until then no girl had deserved anything.
    Things have changed a lot in France and most Europe. Not yet the case everywhere in the world.
    Two more letters to go…

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for reading and your thoughtful comment, Evelyne.
      See you on your blog.
      P.S. I’ve written and scheduled the last two posts – yay 🙂 I’ve survived the challenge 😀 (well, almost).

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Awww, this is beautiful, Gulara. Has your Brother read it yet? I imagine he is (or will be) thrilled. I’m keen to see his photography after your writing about it… does your brother have a website?

    Smashing post.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you 🙂 he hasn’t read it, no. My blog is not exactly a secret from my family, though I prefer not to share it with them. This way I have freedom to express myself without worrying about their feelings. He’s got a large following on the social media. Are you on instragam?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Here are a couple of his photos on The National Geographic site. Hope you enjoy them. There are 43 pics in total on this site. The old people’s ones are my favourite (they start half-way down)http://yourshot.nationalgeographic.com/profile/501276/

        Like

  3. That was interesting to read this pen-portrait of your younger brother. An eleven year age gap must have made it difficult to play together when you were young, I guess. My brother and I were so close in age (eleven months) that my mother said it was almost like raising twins.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sibling relationships can be difficult but also some of the most amazing connections we ever have. There’s nothing else like it, for better or worse. This is lovely.
    (By the way, checked out his photographs. They are absolutely stunning!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • I guess a combination of the Soviet legacy (when you didn’t say what went against the regime, or else), the current oppressive regime, and people-pleasing tendencies among people. Everyone’s connected, everyone knows everyone else, everyone minds everyone’s business, so you need to be careful what you disclose and what you don’t… It’s complicated. So relieved to escape that minefield.

      Like

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