Welcome to the new series on my blog. The theme is ‘good enough’. My hope is that these stories will inspire you and help through the moments when the feeling strikes.
When I saw the invitation of Gulara, to contribute to her blog, I hesitated for a while.
I would love to contribute, but I am afraid of being not good enough….
So just let’s start writing, because maybe I can do it. Maybe it is not quite good what I write, but it could be ‘good enough’, right?
My feelings of not being good enough are going back to my childhood. I had a mother who had a very black and white way of thinking. You either were good, or you were bad. If you were good, you were worshipped, but being bad meant you were really in an underdog position in life…
So even when I was good enough in my own point of view, there was a big chance my mother told me I was not, applying to various levels in my life and personality. So, I developed a very high standard to meet the one of my mother, and during my childhood and my adult life it turned out to be even more majestic than hers. Every child wants to be worshipped by its own parents and I did everything to be there. It is just very recently I realised that good, simply was good enough and my strive for perfection only was absorbing all my positive energy.
I am not blaming my parents or my mother, they had their own problems in life themselves. But I assume my mother could have been a bit more gentle, giving me a bit more confirmation in becoming an independent woman. Less black and white. Adjusting me a bit more autonomy to grow into ‘Me’. But I am sure she did the best she could and I am thankful to her.
However, when I was in my twenties, I never felt good enough for any position in the world when I started looking for a job. I accepted very low level jobs to be sure I was able to execute my tasks. But I was so bored and so achromatic to those functions, that I realised I should apply for a higher one.
But I thought I was not good enough.
I met a friend. She was the opposite of me. Human Resource Manager in a large international company in Brussels. She told me to update my resume with my languages skills, which were, according to her, extraordinarily good. I wrote down my abilities in foreign languages as ‘average skilled’. She erased that part of my resume straightway. “Your English is fluent”, she said. “And your French is too. And your German is very, very good. So please, write down fluently for all those languages. You are far too humble!”
I updated my resume according to her advice, while shivers where inside my whole body. I was sure I would have been unmasked as a fraud when going to the job interview. But I went. And I got an offer for a very interesting international job, which I accepted. However, I needed to practise at some points, I never was unmasked as a fraud. On the contrary, it turned out I could execute the job at such a proper way, that I was promoted after a short period of time. I seemed to be able to execute tasks on a very high level, which was really amazing to me. And when I got ill and I needed a more sheltered position, they made me translator and editor of scientific texts in Dutch and English. So, I might have been good enough. I never regretted following the advice of my friend and I will be thankful for her intervention my entire life.
But, unfortunately, I am afraid many woman are presenting themselves as bad as I was up to at that time.
When I started blogging, I thought no one would read me. I thought, even after all the positive experience I got, no one would be interested in written stories which were all made-up by myself.
But I might be a reasonable writer, because my blog is growing. Lots of people are asking me for advice. In coaching matters, but also to translate or to compose a text for them. They think I am good enough to be taken serious. So why should I think I am not?
I am good enough! And so are you! Stop proving this to yourself, but start accepting yourself. The world outside believes in you and in your talents.
So please start believing in yourself from now on as well!
Thank you for reading my story.
My Website: www.mooileven.org (partially in English and Dutch)
P.S. If you’d like to contribute to the series too, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
P.P.S. By the way, everyone who signs-up to my mailing list will receive a guided compassion meditation to release the feeling of ‘not good enough.’