How Presence Heals

IMAG0460

I’m walking down Bristol Road in Birmingham. It’s Sunday and the sun is shining. I just finished the third weekend event on writer’s block. The sense of achievement and satisfaction expands my chest and lights me up from the inside. On top of all that, I’m going to have a girly time with my friend, so the day is young.

‘Excuse me,’ a young man says as I am a few steps away from him.

Please, don’t ask me for money. I never hand over money on the street. I’ve been having a good day, please, don’t spoil it.

‘Excuse me,’ he says again.

Why can’t he just say what he wants? I look at his face and try to read his expression. His glassy eyes are sad and he looks kind of pale.

I slow down without stopping.

‘Yes?’

‘Excuse me….’

Why can’t he just speak?! I stop and wait.

‘Do you have a phone?’

OK, at least he’s not asking for money.

‘Yes.’

‘Can you call my mum and say I’m going to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital? I’m not ok.’

‘What’s the number?’

I dial it.

‘What’s your name?’

‘James.’

‘Hello, James asked me to call you. We are on Bristol Road. Number… 333. He’s not well. He’s heading to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital. He just wanted you to know.’

‘I think you’ve got a wrong number.’

‘I’m really sorry about it. I’ve been asked to call this number.’ I hold the phone down: ‘James, what are the names of your parents?’ He says and I continue. ‘Does John and Sarah live at this number?’

‘Yes, this is John.’

‘I’m with your son James.’ I repeat myself. It takes a few moments before John speaks again.

‘We are in such a shock. Can we speak to him?’

I pass the phone to James. Never mind that I’ve got two credit cards tucked into the phone cover…. I relax when I get my phone back and ready myself to depart.

‘Thank you so much for stopping. Thank you. No one stopped. No one. You proved that there’re kind people in the world.’

He starts sobbing, his broad shoulders hunched and shaking. I lead him to a low wall of the property next to us, and sit with him. Never mind I’m running late. I’ll wait until his parents arrive.

It turns out James is a drug addict. He was thinking of committing suicide today and it was the thought of his parents’ suffering that stopped him in the end. He is not sure though how long he can hold out given how deeply unhappy he is. He tells me how much he hates himself for failing in life, for letting down his parents, for being such a looser. I listen, not sure what I can offer. It’s not appropriate for me to ‘process’ him. All I can give him is my presence. So he continues. All those visits to psychiatrists, drugs, invasive treatments. An awful relationship when he was 16 and everything went downhill from there. He tells me he’s 24 and he’s a sex addict. My body tenses up and despite his distress he feels the change in me.

‘It’s not like I’m going to have sex with you here. Don’t worry.’

‘Oh good.’ I force a smile.

So he talks some more, his shoulders relaxing, his sobs subsiding. By the time a car pulled up on the side of the road and his mum ran out of the car and hugged him tightly, he seemed much calmer. I genuinely hoped that he’d find his way to recovery and self-love. Of course, he needs a lot more support than a stranger stopping by and being caring towards him, but I pray that our encounter helped him to step onto the path of healing.

As I turned around to mentally wish him well, I saw his mum running towards me. We hugged. Mother to mother. I hope this doesn’t happen to my child, but I do hope someone would stop for him if he needs their help. Her gratitude enveloped me in our embrace and we parted as if we have known each other all our lives.

Sometimes, all you need is to feel seen and heard, like really seen and heard without someone trying to fix you. For someone to be fully present to you, without judgment or an agenda.

Presence is healing in its own right.

Combined with gentle and powerful healing tools, its transformative.

That’s what I do in my healing work: I truly listen to your stories and lovingly help you to script a new path – one paved with deep healing and empowerment.

Please subscribe to my newsletter here to find out more about my work, and if you need healing and transformation, please get in touch at gularav@gmail.com.

12 thoughts on “How Presence Heals

  1. Wow Gulara. I feel like I’m always saying wow on your posts but truly, they affect me, and this one blew me away. It’s so true that presence is incredibly important and in some ways more powerful than advice and assistance, because it’s non-judgmental and non-directive.
    You did something really special for that young man, but you also did something special in telling the story – reminding us to be compassionate and reminding us to simply listen.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you, Fiona, I feel so moved by your response. It was a special encounter and it taught me a lot, even though the whole thing lasted for about half an hour. I wrote a post a couple of years back called ‘Angels Everywhere’. It’s like our angels are everywhere, we just need to ask for help…. Anyway, thank you for reading. Oh, and I love your guest post!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Far out, what you did is remarkable, and I don’t know that I’d have done the same. You took a risk and were compassionate and, my word, it made a difference. This story will stay with me. Not every person can say they saved a stranger’s life. Bless you. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Louise. It felt special at the time. I’m so glad the story resonated, and I’m pretty sure we all have an opportunity to do something like that in our life-time. Sometimes, we don’t know what our actions and words can spark in others…. With much love and gratitude.xx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. These kind of experience happen for a reason, I always like to think. Sometimes, when in doubt of being at the right path, or just to confirm you choose the right direction in life.
    As always I also appreciate your honesty, being human and have some reservations at first.
    To me this is validation of the fact, you are a Beautiful Soul. Amazing heartwarming story, dear Gulara. Big hug, XxX

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Patty. I’m definitely not a super-hero 🙂 I did have reservations, and I normally get nervous when people stop me on the street. But I guess his angels really wanted him to get to his family safely that day, so I stopped. As always, thank you so much for reading, and commenting too. Big hug.xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. What a heartwarming story. Whatever he was, a drug addict, a sex addict, ‘an addict’, he is a human who needs help, and who needed someone just sitting next to him and be there for a while… And that is what you did. I don’t know if I would have been so brave as you have been in this kind of situation. But what can you loose else instead of your humanity when refusing help?
    Thank you for sharing. Love xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Marije. You nailed it on the head: it’s so easy to focus on those ‘negative’ labels, and not see the person, with all their wounding and life circumstances. Not necessarily to tolerate the behaviour, but to understand and hopefully help them make different choices. Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing too. I so much appreciate you.xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh my gosh! You are kind. I wouldn’t have stopped. It’s an excuse but I ask to be excused… 🙂 Our cities are “slightly” less safe. In fact, we don’t walk on the streets here.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s