When you are born, you know you are enough. Have you ever met a baby who thought
‘oh I’m not loveable because my nose is too big’ or ‘I’m too fat’?
They know they are enough, and they deserve all the care and attention they can get. But then you grow up and start accumulating negative self-beliefs: I’m not good
enough, I am not loveable, what I’ve got to say doesn’t matter… It can be a long list.
How do you get to believe these things?
Well, perhaps you have a sibling and your parents seem to love him or her more than you. One moment you were the centre of your parents’ universe, then the next moment they shush you when the baby is asleep, or they don’t have time to play with you because they are feeding or dressing the baby.
So when your mummy got mad at you because you shouted while the baby was asleep, you probably felt bad without necessarily understanding what’s gone wrong. As a child, you think that adults know what they are doing. Your very survival depends on them.
What children often do is to blame themselves for whatever goes wrong around them. They don’t have other means of making sense of the world. You can understand as an adult that your parents’ hands were full at the time, but as a child, you don’t necessarily have the ability to see the bigger picture.
And so you start internalising messages you pick up from the world around: I must be quiet; I’ll get in trouble if I speak up; I must obey to get the love I need.
The trouble is that all that stuff gets buried, because you couldn’t process and release it at the time.
It doesn’t go away though. As you grow up, similar situations arise to bring the feelings up so that you can release them.
Except it triggers that old pain and often unconciously you push it down and refuse to look at it.
But here’s the thing: it harms you to carry those negative self-beliefs, because they affect your health and vitality, your relationships and career, your joy and happiness.
Let’s explore this with a specific example.
You’ve been friends with a fellow writer, who went on and published her book and got a lot of accolades. You are happy for her, of course, but suddenly you don’t feel so good about yourself, because here you are working on the same manuscript for the past seven years and there’s no end in sight. You feel shame rearing its ugly head, and all you want to do is to give up.
an you feel the heaviness straight away? When you feel bad about yourself, energetically, your vibration goes down. It’s like waking up after a rough night all sore and achy and trying to do something energetic straightaway. Your body, your being, protests in response and it’s hard to get going. It takes you ten times longer to do a chore you can do in a blink of an eye on a day when you’ve slept well and feel energised.
When your vibration is down, it’s like a computer program running in the background and draining your energy. It slows you down. It’s very hard to achieve what you set out to do, if you don’t feel good enough about yourself or what you’ve got to offer to the world.
The bottom line?
You don’t put your best work out there. You play safe. You stay small.
And while for a while it may be a useful strategy, with time, it becomes very frustrating.
You are already enough.
I know that there’s a part of you which knows that. And there’s a part which doesn’t, because it internalised the messages it got at home or school. As a child, you hold on to those messages to stay safe, to feel loved, to be good.
They don’t serve you though.
And as an adult, there’s something you can do about it. That something is to heal your negative self-beliefs. You’ll feel lighter, happier and more productive for it. It’s the equivalent of a good night’s sleep. Everything becomes possible.
Here’s what one of my clients said recently:
‘Honestly, after the last session I felt like I was almost invincible – I felt quietly confident and positive. I felt like life was looking out for me and that everything will be fine.’
Want to feel that way too?
Have a 1:1 healing with me!
Drop me a line and let’s have a chat to see whether we are a good fit.
If you are not familiar with the healing work I do, you can join my next free call on Overcoming Perfectionism (click here). It’s held on friday 26 October at 2:00pm UK time. Please, fill in this short survey, and then register at this link.
P.S. Don’t want to wait that long? Then check out my home-study programme – it’s jam-packed with powerful healing and will help you to release your fears of failure, exposure, success and so much more. This course will help you to clear the way to your dreams. you can find it here>